Whether you’re in love, looking, or full of loathing, Valentine’s Day is secretly a big, red bitch for us all. Options for every type are everywhere, but sifting through the mass of crap is enough to put you off sex for life. Wherever your heart’s at on Feb. 14th, however, we reckon one of these Coconuts-curated personal plans will make you hot and happy.
Plan 1: For the crushing crusader
In an age when most of our communications are reduced to digital grunts and hashtags, the romance of the written word is oft forgotten. Hong Kong’s Quick Word Company has vowed to change that by going back to basics for arguably the year’s tackiest holiday.
If you’re crushing on someone hard and don’t have the balls/boobs to tell them to their face, harness the power of the written word and set their heart a-flutter with a proper old school letter.
What: How to Write a Love Letter
When: 7:30pm – 8:30pm, Wednesday Feb. 11
Where: The Hive, 21/F Phoenix Building, 23 Luard Road, Wan Chai (Google Map)
Price: HKD150 including a glass of wine and a chocolate
RSVP: hello@thequickwordcompany.com
Plan 2: For the single, smited and strong
If you’re single, jilted or you’re just well aware that love stinks, get good and drunk on Friday Feb. 13 and sleep your way through Valentine’s Day. The fun and funky Fatty Crab restaurant is stepping in to host lonely and hard hearts at their (Anti) Valentine’s Day Party.
Celebrate the upside of singledom with a sexy and sultry evening of flirting with guest bartenders and downing speciality cocktails for HKD100 each. There’ll also be a tattoo artist on hand to scrawl “Anti-Valentine’s” or “Friday the 13thers” across various parts of your body. Hopefully they’ll be using henna and not actual ink. You might regret that.
What: The (Anti) Valentine’s Day Love Story
When: 8pm – 1am, Friday Feb. 13
Where: Fatty Crab, 11-13 Old Bailey Street, Central (Google Map)
Price: Free entry
Plan 3: For the useless romantic
If you have the best intentions of spoiling your Valentine with a romantic home-cooked meal but you know you’re probably going to spoil the food itself, because… you can hardly chop an onion, help is on hand. Swanky Hong Kong private kitchen The Coterie has teamed up with ready-to-cook gurus Secret Ingredient to bring you an idiot-proof but delicious cook-at-home dinner this Valentine’s Day.
The Coterie chef Pan Li and Secret Ingredient founding chef Kevin James have put their heads together and come up with a “Supreme of Guinea Fowl infused with Truffle, Black Pudding and Salad Lyonnaise” main course for you and your date. All you have to do is put it together, heat it up and pretend you made it.
The dish is available on the Secret Ingredient website between Feb 2 and 14 for HKD285 for two. The Coterie will also be hosting a four-course Valentine’s dinner in their private kitchen. Register on their website.
Plan 4: For big (chubby) lovers
If you love your tummy as such as you love your lover (who doesn’t?), Hong Kong has some great love-themed fatty-yum-yums on offer during Valentine’s season. Eat, Pray, Love it with heart-shaped pizzas from Motorino, available in-house and via delivery (from HKD138) from Feb. 9 to 14.
Sweet-toothed sweethearts can get the chills with the Valentine’s Blume, a mashup from Korean ice cream concept Softree and Hong Kong bakery Blume Patisserie. Following Softree’s all-natural philosophy, a limited amount of signature ice cream cups will be topped with a Valentine’s garden, featuring chocolate soil and a handcrafted rose made out of apple slices, rose petals and honey.
Available between Feb. 10 and 15 at Sorftree, G/F, 5 Caroline Hill Road, Causeway Bay (Google Map).
Plan 5: For big hearts with tight wallets
Are you totally skint or just super tightfisted? Take a gamble this Valentine’s and you might end up spending absolutely nothing and still getting laid! EasyVan is running a “Van-lentines” (HA – what? We don’t get it) giveaway, offering to deliver absolutely free Valentine’s packages to your beau’s workplace on Feb. 13. Extra points for being a day early maybe? Probably not. But that’s the deal.
Just open the EasyVan app between Feb. 1 and 10, select Mong Kok as your starting point and your loved one’s office as the destination. Finally, click the “Valentine’s Offer” button and hope, for the sake of your relationship, that you’re one of the lucky ones selected.
Plan 6: For no-holds-barred honeymooners
Those in the market for all-out romantic indulgence can relive or pre-live their honeymoons at the newly revamped, award-winning J Plus Hotel by YOO (1-5 Irving Street, Causeway Bay; Google Map). Couples staying in the Studios or Suites on Feb. 13 and 14 have a range of awesome options to choose from thanks to a team up with Invisible Kitchen chef Tom Burney.
As each uber chic room has its own mini-kitchen, you can sit back and relax as your Valentine’s dinner is prepared before your eyes (if you’re the voyeur type) via “Love at First Bite” (HKD2,399 for a Studio and indulgent canapés) or “All YOO Need is Love” (HKD2,999 for a Suite room and three-course menu). Or, you can keep it cheap and intimate by cooking for yourselves for HKD1,499 and HKD1,999 a night, respectively.
All packages come with two complimentary bottles of bubbly, free breakfast and afternoon tea with wine in the lobby. Not ‘alf bad, mate.
Plan 7: For boozed-up boos
If you and you fancy need some lube for you love (not literally, we mean alcohol. Gross), there’s plenty of breathtakingly boozy Valentine’s cocktails to wrap your lips around in February. Head to cool Caribbean bar Rummin’ Tings (28 Hollywood Road Central; Google Map) for a “Shot to the Heart” (HKD60 for Havana 3-yrs, Aperol, cranberry, lime juice and other stuff) or “Get Lucky” (HKD100 for Strawberry Bacardi, Oakheart, Vanilla Rum, Pineapple Juice and other stuff).
Alternately (or as well), date-night favourite Chachawan (206 Hollywood Road, Sheung Wan; Google Map) will be serving up the “Kiss and Tell (HKD100), a sexy concoction of fresh raspberries mulled with lemon, jasmine tea, elderflower and vodka, accompanied by a Hershey’s kiss.
There, you see. It’s not going to be THAT bad!
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