Who said there’s no talent in lip syncing? You’re right – absolutely no one ever.
If there was any debate, however, this was proved beyond a doubt on Wednesday night as Coconauts and other people (normos) descended on Sheung Wan’s Volume Beat to sing silently in the most outrageous fashion imaginable.
Hosted by stunning redhead Miss Cleo Moans and Coconuts HK’s blonde bombshell Crystal Wilde (who looked decidedly dumpy in comparison), the event was a celebration of solidarity and silliness across Hong Kong’s diverse communities.
The show was opened in style by Cleo and DJ Stonedog, who brought a mime tear to the eyes of all who watched their superbly synced “Especially for You”. Anyone who thought Kylie and Jason were a good match clearly never witnessed the electric chemistry between these two.
Seriously, guys. Get a room already!
Enthusiasm was thick in the baying crowds right from the get-go; thankfully a sizeable table turned up already pretty plastered. In case you don’t know, lip syncing is a sport best practiced under the influence.
From this drunken table came our first two duellers, Nicky – who expertly showed us how it isn’t done with “Ain’t no Mountain High Enough” – and Jo, who unleashed some pole-grinding, bar-dancing sassmajazz via the vehicle of Aretha Franklin’s “R.E.S.P.E.C.T”.
SPOILER ALERT: Remember Jo. You’ll be hearing more from her later!
Also coming hot out of the heats was rock kid (and no doubt former stoner) Izzy, who brushed off bootylicious Lanisa’s “All About That Bass” with his head-banging “Smells Like Teen Sprit”.
Lanisa found redemption, however, after teaming up with the fabulous Miro for a sexy “Empire State of Mind” that blew a flaccid “Summer Lovin’” duet out of the water and off the beach entirely.
Zenni’s Britney JUST topped Arthur’s groin-thrusting Madonna on a “Me Against the Music” one-song battle, and Kate’s “Proud Mary” was so brain-blowing no one can remember who she battled.
The semis spiced it up with the addition of fancy dress items, which were unanimously utilised to best effect by Miro, mainly because he stripped down to his tiny sequinned hotpants by the end of the number. That’s one way to win votes.
Red wigs, Rick Astley and Gloria Gaynor (it wouldn’t be right without her) saw the last five whittled down to two: bitter rivals (and fast friends) Kate and Jo.
SEE! We told you that wasn’t the last you’d hear of her!
The final one-song battle bought Kylie back into the mix, this time with her and Robbie’s “Kids” duet. Although both contestants sported fabulous crotch-enhancing jumpsuits, Jo (you remember her, right?) just clinched it to be crowned Coconuts’ first ever Lip Sync Champion! …and rightfully proud she was too.
Chatting (with a mild slur) to Crystal after her victory lap, Jo said, “I did my best – a bit of gyrating, a bit of tweaking. I just tried to entertain the crowd really.”
Jo hails from North Yorkshire but has been in Hong Kong for three and a half years teaching the women’s development squad for the Valley Rugby Football Club.
When asked if her wards are aware of her hidden talents, Jo said, “My girls have only ever heard me sing ‘We Willy Wanky’, which I won’t give a rendition of right now, because it’s very long and really very rude.”
Maybe next time then, Jo.
Jo tells Crystal how it feels to be AWESOME!
Thanks to DJ Stonedog and the Volume Boyz for being such gracious hosts, and, of course, to every good sport/exhibitionist who competed. See you next time, syncers!
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