Mmmm, Hong Kong food. It is indeed delicious, varied, and plentiful. And you can get tons of awesome noms here. But there are some things where the hype is better than the bite. Read on:
Double Happiness Burger, Butchers Club
This made the Instagram rounds late last year and remains Butchers Club’s top talk piece: “double dry-aged beef, double American cheese, double maple-glazed bacon, caramelised onion mayo, stacked between two toasted grilled cheese rolls.”
Okay, wow, that sounds good. Plus the food at Butchers Club is REALLY GOOD. But the Double Happiness Burger is not. You can’t fit it in your mouth so you’re basically squeezing a fffat sandwich until all the oil flows onto your face and then gnawing weirdly at the sides. Unless you have a Julia Roberts mouth, just order two burgers and check that ego.
Crispy Bun Served with Sweet Condensed Milk, Tsui Wah
A classic Hong Kong snack. Start with baked buns. Add thick butter and condensed milk. Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. What’s not to love?
Hmmm: everything. You’re basically carb-loading with a giant thick sandwich half with a weird salty-sweet taste. It’s like, I want something savoury since I’m hungry for dinner but something sweet for dessert. Let’s mix half a club sandwich and half a jar of sugar together. Maybe after we can have some spaghetti and donuts!
KFC, Yardbird
I like Yardbird. I like its meatballs. I like its chicken wings. I like its beers. I like the cool servers with tattoos. I don’t like its KFC (Korean Fried Cauliflower), despite people constantly ordering it.
Basically, they take cauliflower and fry it in something (breading I guess?), then put sesame seeds on top of it. The cauliflower can turn out okay, or it can turn out mushy, or it can turn out so hot that if you take a bite the lining of your mouth will flake off. You’ve basically ordered a wild card with too much sauce and 500 calories of I-forgot-what-I-ate-since-it-wasn’t-memorable. Try the chicken wings. Now that’s a dish.
Szechuan Fried Chicken Bao, Little Bao
Dude, what happened, Little Bao? You were my favourite new restaurant in Hong Kong, one of the few places I actually queued for, hung out, Bao’d and took shots. We were like the first IKEA scene in “500 Days of Summer”, but now it’s the “why are all our faucets broken?” awkward moment. You kind of have to have seen the film.
The Szechuan Chicken Bao was my favourite but now it’s an exercise in oil, and after you finish you’re like, “whoa whoa whoa what happened?”. I hope you guys come back better and stronger because you have a solid concept and the servers and chefs are lovely. And if and when that happens I’ll be 100 percent back in again.
Steamed Chinese Fish, everywhere
Tonight I’d like to eat some seafood, preferably cooked simply and in soy sauce. Did I also mention that my goal is to disgustingly spit out (or almost as disgustingly pick out of my teeth) as many bones as possible?
What if we do it at a large banquet with lots of friends? Can I spit into a napkin at the table over and over again then? Ok, great. There’s nothing better than the soft taste of fish mixed with the constant fear that you’re going to swallow a bone and have it stuck in your throat for days.
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